May Day 2: Electric Boogaloo

If there’s one thing I love, it’s breakin’ – and I don’t mean breakin’ plates sucka, I mean dropping the freshest, the dopest, the most out-of-sight, tubular, bodacious breakdancing moves ever seen this side of a piece of cardboard on Broadway & Myrtle YO.

SUCKA

Me and Breakin' Jimmy Jones circa 2008

I’m sure many of you won’t be surprised to find out I used to be a professional b-boy, and reigned supreme with my crew “The Reign Supremes” from late 2007 until early 2008 over the greater North-East London breaking scene. When I heard that breakin’ was making a comeback, I dusted off my golf visor and my parachute pants, put my illest MC Hammer mixtape on my boombox and turned that sucka OUT. I know what y’all$ are thinking: how can I get my significant other/daughter/elderly-relative/agrophobic neighbour out onto the streets, poppin’ and lockin’ with the best of them? Gift them these holy articles of breakin’ and let the boogaloo’ing commence this May Day Bank Holiday yo!

  1. Golf Visor – as the late, great pop-punk-nu-metal-golf-core band “A” made abundantly clear in 1999, golf-visors are pretty much the ultimate sports utility wear gift. Want to deflect sunlight from your eyes but still want to keep your rockin’ frosted tips out for all the ladies to see? Golf visor bro
  2. Cardboard – sucka, you can’t throw down on the street, you’ll get your brand new Reebok Hi-tops all scuffed! That’s why you need some f-f-f-f-fresh flatpack cardboard boxes to cushion you from the rat pee soaking into the sidewalk. DEF. Also, once you’ve finished breakin’ for the night, you can use the cardboard to make a box to carry all your other B-Boy gifts ‘n’ gear to the L-Train yo.
  3. Parachute Pants – only the illest, most tricked out suckas can pull off these badboys. Also doubles up as an absorbent cloth for those hard to shift red wine spills.
  4. Hi-Tops – nothing says “impeachable dopeness” like a pair of box-fresh hi-tops, unless you’ve got a gold-chain that says “impeachable dopeness” on it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a chain that says “impeachable dopeness” on it, and I couldn’t find a jeweler who was willing to make one for me. Which is sad.

I’m sure there are more gifts and gizmos y’all can get for that special B-Boy or B-Girl in your life, but I’ve got to get down to the Y to whip my crew into shape – we got REGIONALS next week YO. PEACE.